Almost any kid today can spot bad CGI a mile away. Have a kid watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark, for example and, when that fighter plane crashes into the tunnel, kids will start giggling because it looks so fake to them.

How is this possible? Eyes are trained by experience like anything else and special effects are a lot better today.

This is why NASA now has to pretend they lost the footage from the original moon landing.

There are two things that all scientists know: first is that Adolf Hitler was an avatar of Vishnu and is even now communing with Hyperborean gods in an underground Antarctic base from which he will lead a fleet of UFOs to establish the Fourth Reich; and second is that the moon landings never really happened.

Sure, they showed stuff on TV but NASA had an excuse for the odd visual quality even then - their equipment was not “compatible” with the TV technology of the day, they said, so the original transmissions had to be displayed on a monitor and reshot by a TV camera for broadcast.

“We’ve got all the data. Everything on the tapes we have in one form or another,” NASA spokesman Grey Hautaloma said. Uh-huh. I guess we’ll just go ahead and drink your Kool-Aid then, Grey. How does one lose 700 boxes of precious film of the most important scientific achievement of the U.S. space program anyway? Hautaloma then said it is possible the tapes will be unplayable if they are found because they have deteriorated over the years — a problem common to magnetic tape, he notes. How very convenient.

Since we’re dealing with how technology can make us believe almost anything these days, I submit these pictures of Heidi Klum in September’s Esquire magazine:

Okay, Nazi aliens are in a remote Arctic base and a group of guys with the computing horsepower of a Commodore 64 put a man on the moon? Maybe I can buy that. But asking me to believe Heidi Klum looks like this without an airbrush is too much to ask. Thank you, Hollywood Tuna.

*Which Futurama episode did they find in its place? “Roswell That Ends Well” the one where the crew is mysteriously flung back in time to 1947 and President Truman orders that Zoidberg be taken to Area 51 for study. When they tell him that Area 51 will be used for the fake moon landing, he orders that NASA be invented for that instead.

Saturday morning. Make an air gun that shoots tampons. Some PVC, a few tampon vending tubes and a whole mess of tampons. Conveniently, I keep all that around the house for emergencies.

Later Saturday morning. Shoot brother with tampon gun. Let’s face it, men don’t even like going to the store to buy tampons. He’s really going to hate being shot with them. Maybe even as much as Mel Gibson hates Jews.

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Sony is a Japanese company - and the Japanese hate everyone. I am always baffled when I am out in public in America and someone mentions how polite the Japanese are. Yes, they are outwardly polite; they just bottle up all that hatred. But every 60 years - BOOM - Pearl Harbor.*

I give most any man travelling to Japan this advice: If you are hopelessly lost in Japan and no one speaks English, walk up to the hottest girl you see and start talking to her. Within seconds, you will be surrounded by five Japanese men asking you in English if they can help you. Because the only thing Japanese people hate more than gaijin is the thought of a big gaijin having sex with one of their women.

How does this relate to science? It’s the science of marketing. You see, Sony game machines are basically black boxes with Nvidia graphics chips and some other stuff thrown in. So if you want to inject some sizzle into a product that can’t be customized from a technology point of view, you simply … make it a new color. What’s the opposite of black? White, of course.

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