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Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

Girls Give Hope To Ugly Guys Everywhere Part 3

As I write this, a guy who looks like Seal ( because he is ) is throwing Heidi Klum around a Red Roof Inn and Christina Aguilera is married to a guy so ugly none of my four medical degrees can figure out what’s wrong with his teeth. Granted, Christina Aguilera looks like Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister most of the time so I can maybe see her marrying down a little:

But what in the world is up with the funny one from Friends somehow ending up with a girl as hot as Piper Perabo??

I’m all for over-achievement. Heck, my chick’s ass in a pair of jeans can warp the very fabric of time and space and no way in a world of fairness and justice would she even know my name, but the &Delta(delta) between me and her and the delta between Matthew Perry and Piper Perabo is beyond even my extensive knowledge of physics - and any tape rule known to man.

Matthew Perry must be so large he is beyond hung like a horse … horses want to be hung like him. If hot girls just want a guy to be funny to find him attractive, you all have to call me Brad Pitt McDreamy from now on.

Posted in science, supermodels, music | 1 Comment »



Thursday, December 1st, 2005

Enrique Iglesias Wants You To Know His Penis Is Not Small

If you’re like me, your first thought was “Who the hell is Enrique Iglesias?” Then I remembered, yeah, he’s the guy married to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

No, wait, that isn’t him at all. This guy is apparently related to a famous singer … or he’s supposed to be some kind of singer himself. But that isn’t what made him famous. Being on this blog made him famous. Why is he on this blog? For being the kind of attention-lusting famewhore who goes out of his way to tell the world he has a small penis and then has to talk about how he doesn’t actually have a small penis.

I am betting he does. When a guy goes out of his way to tell you it’s a hassle being unable to find extra-small condoms, he is sending a message. I am betting he didn’t have to send the message to his girlfriend, named Anna Kournikova. I think she would be famous too, if she were either hot or a good tennis player. Instead, she is famous for dating famous people.

And isn’t she Russian? I bet she doesn’t need to be told he is extra small. My brother had sex with a Russian supermodel once and she made him stop so she could look at it. I am telling you, Russian men must be huge.

Posted in Uncategorized, blondes, supermodels, music, buffy, actresses | No Comments »



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