Michael Witig and his wife were out barbecuing when they saw something streaking through the sky. They turned on their camera and filmed it as fire and smoke billowed behind the mystery object.

Not to worry, said the FAA. It was a just a jet that was leaving a contrail behind it and the sun was at just the right angle to reflect off the jet and create the illusion of smoke and fire.

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3. This study says men are smarter than women. This study says tall people are smarter than short people. This article says a woman is mentally playing tennis, even in a coma. So I should be able to build a space shuttle in an hour if you give me the schematic because I am tall, male and not in a coma.

Here’s how you can impress me, sociologists. Given all those studies can you explain to me why it is I can’t win an argument with Lady Scientist and still get sex?

2. James Lipton is still employed. Worse, he has Teri Hatcher on the season premiere of Inside The Actor’s Studio. You know he has truly scraped the bottom of the barrel when he has to fawn over Teri Hatcher and issue forth sentences like, “And tell us how you came to do the immortal work, Brain Smasher … A Love Story.”

Want to impress me, archaelogists? Tell me why her gaze doesn’t turn everyone to stone, because she is clearly wearing the Head Of Medusa on her neck:

And The Number One Mystery Of Science For September is …

1. Christina Aguilera and whoever this guy is she is with.

I can appreciate that Christina Aguilera gave hope to ugly guys everywhere by marrying him but something about this is just wrong. I have five medical degrees and I can’t figure out what is going on with his teeth.

The only answer? Well, there are two, and it proves both creationists and evolutionists wrong:

A) This guy is a neanderthal, so evolution doesn’t exist, and

B) The fact that Christina Aguilera married him proves there is no God.

Attention Supermodels

A bunch of us scientists will be attending Snakes On A Plane this weekend so if you’ll dress up as snakes we will dress up as planes and give you rides.

Okay, I will totally invalidate my geek street cred by saying I never got the whole Star Wars thing. I liked Star Wars okay and I thought the first half of Empire was good. I can’t have been the only guy in the country who thought that Lucas was goofing on us with the “Luke, I am your father” silliness because no one could be that lame. I was in high school in a small town with 50 people in it so I wasn’t the most cosmopolitan guy in the world and even I thought that was a lame plot development - so it had to be a trick. Then he made Howard The Duck and I knew, yeah, there is no limit to how lame George Lucas can be.

But I get why other people get it, at least until that Phantom Menace thing came along and it turned out The Force was the kind of geneticly imposed gift from the Heavens the likes of which Joseph Mengele couldn’t have dreamed up and that the Republic fell because some rich guys didn’t want to pay their taxes.

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Pure, un-edited proof that all women look hotter as (a) blondes and (b) long-haired blondes. Let’s talk Bryce Dallas Howard, chosen to play Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man 3. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you but as a little Star Trek nerd, age 6, seeing Gwen Stacy as drawn by John Romita was a life-changing experience.

I don’t know how they are going to work her into Spider-Man now, since they flopped around the history and made Mary Jane Watson his first girlfriend and had her getting into all the trouble Gwen did in the comics, but it won’t matter as long as she looks something like this:

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