I have always loved numbers. My whole life I have manipulated them, caressed them, cared for them.

My friends, I am a six fiend.

And I am not alone. Heck, even among physics gurus I am in pretty good company, including notables such as Paul A.M. Dirac, which, by the way, is his real name and not something he made up just for D&D. That guy lived for number correlations.

Numbers are significant because on a personal and a collective conscious level numbers help us understand the world in a way that letters cannot. I can go anywhere in the world and hold up two fingers and the most illiterate peasant in China knows that means I am with two supermodels. Can I speak Chinese? Well, yeah, Mandarin actually, but you can’t.

Plus, there are 400 dialects in China so I certainly can’t express how many supermodels I am with in any other way and have it be so clear. Numbers are the magical language. I can do music with numbers ( the circle of fifths ), language, art and science. Even when I do TKD I am using a sine wave.

Numbers work for everyone. Numbers have order and meaning. To pseudo-scientists they even have esoteric definitions. Numerologists, for example, claim that 1 is the Yang and 2 is the Yin, staying in our Chinese theme. More on that later.

My favorite? Six.

Six is important. Six is famous. Six was the magical number of ancient Avalon. Christian authorities labeled six “the number of sin” and 666 is certainly a bad thing. One of its Egyptian forms is seshemu (”sexual intercourse” ) ­ shown in hieroglyphics by male and female genitals doing … you know, what I do a lot more of than you … and we still know of it today in the Sufi love-charm designed to open the “cave” of the Goddess: “Open, Sesame.”

6 In Chinese.

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You can get Jessica. You just need strategic help from a scientist

Scientists have provided a lot of answers for humanity - the nature of gravity, the shape of the world, how to put unusually large breasts on small, thin women.

But It may surprise you to learn, because you are used to me being a science guru and, on occasion, a Formula One race car driver who solves mysteries on TV, that some scientists are also experts on relationships.

Not my own, of course. I mean I am an expert on your relationships.

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Science articles, even in the casual world of the internet, take a great deal of research. It’s not always easy making science look easy.

As all of you know, my articles are meticulously detailed, well thought out and ergonomically terrific in almost every way. That doesn’t happen by accident. But sometimes revelations for new articles happen by accident, like when I am researching something else.

While I was researching the most important article in the history of the internet I decided, in the interests of maintaining my impeccable credentials, that I needed a picture of a hot girl in a river. I keep a substantial folder of supermodel endorsements and pictures for occasions like this. But I didn’t have girls that fish so it took some time.

And then I stumbled across this picture:

And the happy accident came to me - because women have proved, once again, that they are intellectually and emotional on a different level than men. Namely, because they will date some really ugly guys.

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Dorian was the artist. GG was the model.

Let’s be honest. Science by itself is mostly useless. It takes someone with a plan to make science into technology and then it takes people to embrace the technology. Being embraced by the right people often overcomes superior product development. Betamax was better in every way than VHS but the porn industry, and therefore porn customers, liked VHS. Exit Betamax.

Likewise, while I totally heart science, I recognize that the practical application of it is much more important than the research. Silicon was discovered by Jöns Jacob Berzelius in 1824, for example, but it wasn’t until some of its atoms got polymerized and made into silicone breast implants that anyone in science cared much about it. Oh yeah, and I guess that computer nonsense has something to do with silicon too.

Scientists respect anyone who can take science and make cool things out of it but, at the top of the application pyramid, are old school movie industry special effects guys.

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I’ve said a few times that music is math. I’ve also said a few times that I’m a Chinese jet pilot and that Halle Berry wants to bear my children so it’s probably hard to know when you should take me seriously and when you shouldn’t.

But let’s go back to this “music is math” stuff. On that part I’m not kidding. At the end of the day, a lot of things can be math, including music and supermodels. A few months ago I did an article on how Phi, the famously named Golden Ratio, could even tell us who would be a supermodel. It contained excellent science, humor, Elle MacPherson, Carol Alt and Heidi Klum , yet still left some math questions unanswered.

In that article I mentioned the golden ratio in music, namely that the octave, fifth, and major and minor sixths are ratios of consecutive numbers of the Fibonacci* sequence, making them the closest low integer ratios to the golden ratio. But that doesn’t make a ton of sense until we get a little more basic, mostly because math doesn’t exist in the real world, it isn’t a hard science like physics.

So we’ll figure out how math is music but first we’ll show how music is physics.

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