Archive for the 'hoax' Category

Friday, January 25th, 2008

Jebediah Cash And The Mystery Of Peak Whale Oil

I was puttering around the attic of the Cashominium, trying to sort through some old boxes, and I came across something you all might find interesting. Before any of this makes sense, I need to give you a little family background.

Like many, the Cash family has been here a long time (a long time for America, anyway - here a hundred years is a long time and in Europe a hundred miles is a long distance, so it’s all perspective) but we are not blueblooded fancy-pants Mayflower descendants or anything like that. We arrived just over 160 years ago. The mid-1800s were a popular time to leave Europe, what with land and opportunity here and there being the place where guys like Napoleon were still fashionable and ‘reform’ meant killing a lot of people, but we weren’t the working poor that left because of lousy potato crops or anything so dire.

More predictably, legend has it that old Jebediah left Britain under some questionable circumstances - namely a scandal involving a woman.

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Friday, April 6th, 2007

Have a happy Easter

Be sure to enjoy a wholesome Crusade. I know I will:

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Even if you don’t admire my Photoshop skills, you have to admit I don’t look as silly as a British guy who signs up to be crucified and then claims God told him at the last minute not to do it.

Maybe I’m crazy but I bet God didn’t have as much to do with it as watching nine Filipinos before him get whipped and nailed to crosses. That would make me get down on my knees and have a religious epiphany too.

How did the crowd react? They boo’ed him, of course. If I go all that way to see radical Catholics re-enact the Crucifixion you can bet nothing would make me happier than seeing some smarmy British journalists take some spikes to the hands.



Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

Surest Sign Of The Apocalypse - No More Blondes

According to this article, researchers at the World Health Organization have claimed that the last natural blonde will be born in Finland in 2202. And the BBC version tells us German scientists have claimed this is due to decreasing frequency of the recessive gene for blonde hair.

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The SkyNet article states that when the last Ice Age ended 11,000 years ago blonde hair and blue eyes were developed as a competitive advantage in getting a caveman. That’s right, with men in short supply some girls had to use manipulation in order to get one of us - and even then blondes were known to be more fun.

The Germans say the problem is racial mixing - yes, Germans speaking out against racial mixing. Whoda thunk it?

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Friday, September 15th, 2006

Science Proves Women Are In League With Lucifer

Science can’t prove everything. We can’t prove Evolution, for example, and we can’t prove that light is a wave and not a particle or that light is a particle and not a wave or … well, we can’t prove most anything about light.

But science can prove some things.

We have proven that all women are hotter as blondes.

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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Your Jedi Mind-Trick Moment For September

Michael Witig and his wife were out barbecuing when they saw something streaking through the sky. They turned on their camera and filmed it as fire and smoke billowed behind the mystery object.

Not to worry, said the FAA. It was a just a jet that was leaving a contrail behind it and the sun was at just the right angle to reflect off the jet and create the illusion of smoke and fire.

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