Just this once, we need to talk about something serious. I know it’s easy for people to have a knee-jerk reaction to the problems of others and just start laughing but we’re all adults here. So I am going to bring this up and then we can discuss the underlying issues and what we, as a society, can do to help.

I have manorexia too.

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Science Determines The Media Is Just Too Darn Suggestive These Days

With all this business about girls dressing like tramps and articles stating that 140 incidents of sexual behavior occur on prime-time network television each week I am starting to worry that the media might be a tad over the top.

Sure, you will automatically dismiss that kind of talk as an aging guy romancing the days of his youth. I usually think that also. I know we had suggestive TV when I was a kid. And R-rated movies. We didn’t have the Halloween costumes some of these girls wear but I can’t say that is going to tank our culture. We had Porky’s and civilization didn’t end.

So I sit down next to Lady Scientist to discuss it with her. You know, get the female perspective. She’s watching Veronica Mars on the handy Replay DVR. It’s a rerun but I haven’t seen any of them since the first season so it’s new to me even if it’s from last spring. We are chatting along and suddenly I hear them make reference to a Clint Eastwood movie and then a Mexican comic book character. I guess because the guy she is talking to is a latino cop.

I grab my laptop.

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It looks like the kid gloves, and the bibs, are coming off in New York City. The thing that advocates of good food have long feared is about to happen; New York City will be the first to ban trans fatty acids.

Know why McDonald’s fries tasted better when you were a kid? Trans fatty acids - and a lot of salt. Do they taste as good today? Of course not. The only people who think they taste just as good today hated them all along. It’s like people who eat veggie burgers telling you they’re just as good as beef. Or that Rocio Guario Diaz is just as good as Adriana Lima:

Well, maybe they have something there.

Now this isn’t a done deal yet. They’re going to hold a public hearing, blah, blah, blah. This is just a formality. People who want to eat trans fatty acids are going to be at a Burger King gorging themselves on Big Mac’s or whatever the hell they serve there so the only ones showing up for this hearing are crazy activists who pretty much exist to make the rest of us miserable. That means the ban is going through.

I believe in keeping power with the people so I walked outside and stopped some pedestrians and asked what they thought of the idea:

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AstroGlide - The Video Game

If there’s one thing I hate it’s rumors about me and women I am not actually nailing. And, frankly, this thing about me and Kate Beckinsale has gotten out of hand. I am not responsible for the collapse of her marriage, no matter how bad it looks.

Okay, because your opinion of me is important, here is what happened: I happened to be in an internet cafe in Japan and Kate is noodling away on a computer. Now, this is Japan and it ain’t like any of these people watched Pearl Harbor at the multi-plex, if you catch my political humor, so they don’t recognize her. And all Americans look alike. Especially the English ones.

And danged if I don’t look over her shoulder and she is at the Astro-Glide website playing a video game. Now, I don’t know about you, but it isn’t every day a girl is at a sexual lubricant website playing something called Astro-Blasto, which seems to involve nothing but some blobby thing spitting at some other blobby things. Kinda hot now that I think back on it.

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And they think they have discovered that the vagina has underrated by clitoral activists.Obviously you can’t just make that claim. Tests have to be done. Orgasms have to be studied. While scientists have caused plenty of orgasms most of us haven’t studied them. How do you study them? I wanted to know. Apparently the first step was to create a Calibrated Vaginal Stimulator, basically something you could attach to a transducer to measure the force that women apply to the vaginal wall. Then you could know what is really happening.

“A Transducer?” I ask. “Are we at Bose?”

“Women self-stimulate,” explains Rutgers neuropsychologist Barry Komisaruk, “and we use functional magnetic resonance imaging to look at which parts of their brains respond.”

Ummmm …

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