It’s political primary season and you know what that means, right? Right, it’s time to rent movies and think about something else.

But you wouldn’t be here if you could watch just any movies, you’d be a Huffington Post reader or Glenn Beck listener or whatever it is those people do that gets so much more attention than actual quality writing, like this site. You have more sense than that so you like movies with scientists; and especially scientists who could be hottie supermodels, mostly because they don’t know anything about science.

In compiling a list like this, I am torn and maybe you will be also. Great science movies and attractive women don’t always go together. Number of hot women in Pi for example? Well, okay, Lauren Fox, but she wasn’t a scientist.

Lauren Fox. Photo by Gino Domenico

You get my point. We have to make a choice in a lot of cases; great women or great science. Sometimes we get both but that’s rare. Actually, female scientists, great or not, in movies apparently aren’t all that common. Eva Flicker of the University of Vienna wrote in Between Brains and Breasts—Women Scientists in Fiction Film: On the Marginalization and Sexualization of Scientific Competence that only 18% of movies containing scientists had the female kind. That means there must have been almost no female scientists in the early days of film because it is easy to find modern films with female scientists – a lot more than the 25% of the science work force in the real world. Scientists are in and female scientists even more so. If you’re going to have a female scientist you might as well make her a hot one.

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I saw a few articles discussing an upcoming convergence between robot and human culture based on research by Netherlands student David Levy, who completed his PhD on the subject of human-robot relationships. Using the Artificial Intelligence ( A.I. if you are new to, well, everything ) curve laid out by Levy, humans and robots would be inter-marrying by 2050. Inter-marrying means sex and, of course, I am a specialist in the science of sex.

Before we get to the marrying stage, a few issues would have to be addressed. You think Japanese girls have a tough time explaining an American man to their parents? Wait until she brings home a robot. That’s right, sex is easy but relationships, even with women of other cultures, are more like Voodoo than science so robot relationship management must be a higher order of Voodoo, right?

Daryl Hannah – “a basic pleasure model.” Can also design board games, which is wonderfully geeky when you think about it

Maybe. Maybe not. Psychologists state there are about a dozen reasons people fall in love – and there is no reason those same reasons couldn’t apply to robots. in some cases, like actual marriage, it will open up a legal can of worms but someone will be willing to give it a try – most likely in Massachusetts, according to Levy.

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Science articles, even in the casual world of the internet, take a great deal of research. It’s not always easy making science look easy.

As all of you know, my articles are meticulously detailed, well thought out and ergonomically terrific in almost every way. That doesn’t happen by accident. But sometimes revelations for new articles happen by accident, like when I am researching something else.

While I was researching the most important article in the history of the internet I decided, in the interests of maintaining my impeccable credentials, that I needed a picture of a hot girl in a river. I keep a substantial folder of supermodel endorsements and pictures for occasions like this. But I didn’t have girls that fish so it took some time.

And then I stumbled across this picture:

And the happy accident came to me – because women have proved, once again, that they are intellectually and emotional on a different level than men. Namely, because they will date some really ugly guys.

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Let’s face it, sometimes we get tired of dating models. Sure, they clean up well but it gets annoying having to tell her she’s beautiful a hundred times a day and the cocaine bill gets expensive. You might think you have no hope of getting an attractive low-maintenance geek girl and I am inclined to agree ( that you can’t anyway ) but I would rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so here are my tips to try and help. I present to you Version 1.0 of The Mens Guide To Dating A Geek Girl.

Getting Your First Geek Girl

So you’ve seen a geek girl. She’s got the Tina Fey glasses on and the hair is thrown up in a mess, she’s wearing clothes just frumpy enough you can’t tell what kind of body she has. Trust me, my friends, if she’s like any geek girl I have ever known, she has a better body than Eva Longoria. She just doesn’t need to flaunt it because Pete Yorn would never date Eva Longoria anyway. Now you just have to talk to her.

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Ever have someone tell you a certain pesky question can’t be answered scientifically? Garth Sundem is here to help. He’s the author of Geek Logik and it’s his business to help you mathematically solve life’s most pressing problems.

Garth has created plug-in numerical solutions that help you make decisions while completely abdicating accountability for your actions – because you can always claim the numbers said it was the right thing to do. It’s like the Taguchi Method, only with real algebra and a lot funnier. Here are the kinds of life-altering decisions Garth can help you make:

“How many beers should I have at the company picnic?”
“Should I go to the gym?”
“Do I have a snowball’s chance in hell with him/her?”
“What IS a snowball’s chance in hell?”

I first stumbled upon Garth when I read Esquire this past summer and saw he was able to answer the question “Should I apologize to to my girlfriend?” with the following equation:

D[Rp(Ra+P)+D(Ra-Rp)=A

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Trust is an important element in any relationship. How do you establish trust? Naturally, you have her followed and break into her email.

But what if the paranoid wench drives like Steve McQueen and doesn’t use her cat’s name as her password? What then?

Science would rather light a candle than curse your darkness so I have devised a handy Tramp Calibration Meter. All you have to do is feed in some of the things she says about you and the Tramp Calibration Meter will tell you whether or not she is going to be faithful.

Let’s test it out. I picked Scarlett Johansson because I just read an interview with her and we can go step-by-step and see how the Tramp Calibration Meter works. For each statement of hers I will tell you what it registered.

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John Tierney of the Times writes:

I went to Garth Sundem, the wickedly ingenious author of Geek Logik, a new book of mathematical formulas for deciding questions like whether you should sleep with a co-worker, whether you should join a gym or see a therapist, and whether you can wear a Speedo without frightening small children.

I asked Sundem to set his sights even higher. The result of our labors (well, mostly his labors, but I want a piece of this scientific breakthrough) is the Sundem/Tierney Unified Celebrity Theory, an equation for predicting the odds that a celebrity marriage will last.

By comparing the many failed marriages with the few successes (like Johnny Cash and June Carter, or Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward), Sundem identified telltale factors likes celebrities’ ages, marital track records and levels of fame.

Younger couples have worse prospects than older couples do, particularly if they rush to the altar before getting to know each other. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have only a 1 percent chance of making it to their fifth anniversary, according to our equation, and the most famously impetuous young couple of all, Romeo and Juliet, would have had zero chance of lasting five years.

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First, Christina Aguilera got married and gave hope to ugly guys everywhere, and I was okay with that. But now Lost star Evangeline Lilly has gotten engaged to a Hobbit.

What’s the point of doing all this work to look like … well, me … when squeaky little British guys can get women who look like this:

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A week or so ago Sweety is sitting around reading People ( which I don’t think anyone over the age of 30 should do, but if that’s her only vice, whatever ) and Jennifer Aniston is on the cover. So I say, “Nice of her and Vince Vaughn to be so discreet. And Brad Pitt is definitely winning that battle.”

She doesn’t look up. She has been through this kind of thing about 8 bazillion times – because I keep count. “What do you mean?” she asks. Because she is inherently polite.

I say, “Well, Brad Pitt went from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie. About the same in looks but way over the top on the deviant sex scale. Aniston went from Brad Pitt to … Vince Vaughn. Not really a step up.”

“But how do you go up from Brad Pitt?” she asks.

I stew on that for a minute. Then I say, “What the hell does that mean, how do you go up from Brad Pitt? I am better than Brad Pitt.”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, but Jennifer can’t have you. You’re taken.”