I saw a few articles discussing an upcoming convergence between robot and human culture based on research by Netherlands student David Levy, who completed his PhD on the subject of human-robot relationships. Using the Artificial Intelligence ( A.I. if you are new to, well, everything ) curve laid out by Levy, humans and robots would be inter-marrying by 2050. Inter-marrying means sex and, of course, I am a specialist in the science of sex.

Before we get to the marrying stage, a few issues would have to be addressed. You think Japanese girls have a tough time explaining an American man to their parents? Wait until she brings home a robot. That’s right, sex is easy but relationships, even with women of other cultures, are more like Voodoo than science so robot relationship management must be a higher order of Voodoo, right?

Maybe. Maybe not. Psychologists state there are about a dozen reasons people fall in love - and there is no reason those same reasons couldn’t apply to robots. in some cases, like actual marriage, it will open up a legal can of worms but someone will be willing to give it a try - most likely in Massachusetts, according to Levy.

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High intelligence is the best protection against early sexual activity during adolescence, research has shown. Can it be that intelligent kids don’t need free condoms to be convinced they shouldn’t have sex? Well, yes, that may be, but it may also be that smart kids just can’t get dates.

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Anyone can tell you, the surest test of your science chops is your ability to make a kid understand it. Science, at its most fundamental, can be understood by anyone if explained properly. Science is, for the most part, conceptual. The math is relatively unimportant as long as you understand why things work the way they work.

I bring that up because it’s not always kids doing the learning. Most science questions I can answer pretty easily. I have a broad base of knowledge and one of those brains that recalls everything. In the age of Google that’s relatively unimportant. Today, sub-literate sock monkeys who can barely spell their names can cite sources and keep a whole bookmark file full of facts in order to look smart. Luckily, most of them write about politics rather than science ( Huffington Report, RadioAmerica, I mean you ) so science is usually populated by people who know what they’re talking about.

That’s not to say we can’t be stumped. I had a recent question I couldn’t answer without some significant research. I figure if I don’t know the answer, maybe you don’t either and we can all get a little smarter. So here it is:

Why does the fat opera singer’s head shrink when Bugs Bunny sprays Alum in his throat? This came up during the classic “Long-Haired Hare”, after Bugs has had just about enough of Giovanni Jones breaking his banjo.

Well, I wasn’t sure. I never used Alum, I have no Alum in the house. I know they used to put Alum in water, 2500 years ago, and it would work pretty well today. Did the coagulating symbolize this head shrinking? I wrote a chemistry acquaintance but knew I wouldn’t hear from him until morning.

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Be sure to enjoy a wholesome Crusade. I know I will:

Even if you don’t admire my Photoshop skills, you have to admit I don’t look as silly as a British guy who signs up to be crucified and then claims God told him at the last minute not to do it.

Maybe I’m crazy but I bet God didn’t have as much to do with it as watching nine Filipinos before him get whipped and nailed to crosses. That would make me get down on my knees and have a religious epiphany too.

How did the crowd react? They boo’ed him, of course. If I go all that way to see radical Catholics re-enact the Crucifixion you can bet nothing would make me happier than seeing some smarmy British journalists take some spikes to the hands.

Did I see this coming because she has an Oscar and forgot to mention him when she received it?

No.

Did I see it coming because a girl who looks like this should have stepped up to someone who does not look like her little sister a long time ago?

No, that’s not it either, but a good guess. After all, studies have shown that if you look more feminine than your wife, she will find a man instead.

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