WorldNetDaily is outraged at the modern culture of promiscuity that is exemplified by the number of female teachers seducing their young male science students.

Yes, the cockblockers in some newspaper are trying to make it harder for you to get laid. As if getting laid in high school isn’t already difficult enough they want to take teachers out of the dating pool.

Now, we can’t all be lucky enough to have Pamela Rogers as a teacher:

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James Cameron, who wanted us to suspend disbelief long enough to buy into robots from the future and aliens in our oceans, is worried people might actually have belief in something he didn’t create through the magic of film; specifically that the Old Testament God ( not the ‘be nice to each other’ New Testament one ) was willing to whack some Egyptians when the Jews left there 3000 years ago. I don’t know why that’s so outrageous … Mel Gibson was willing to whack some Jews last week and look what God did to him - yeah, that’s right, Disney is now shopping his movie about Aztecs. Or Mayans. Or Incans. Whatever.

To back up his theory, Cameron invents a chain of events so bizarre and unlikely … well, if you can believe the stuff Cameron theorizes, I should be able to convince you the friggin’ Easter Bunny heaped 10 plagues on that Pharoah guy.

Now maybe there is truth to it and some volcanoes in Greece caused the water to part and magically un-part once the bad guys were stuck in the mud. Cameron has no insight as to why such a fortuitous coincidence happened at just the right moment and neither do I. All I can say about that is, when I was a kid and I got a birthday cake and I asked where it came from, my mother told me she made it. When I got older I discovered the cake was really made of flour and some water and an egg. This newfound knowledge of the composition of the cake did not invalidate the existence of my mother.

Maybe James Cameron will go back to making movies some day but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Until then, get ready to go see Crank. Because it has Jason Statham, who is a legitimately good action hero? Of course not … is the name of this site “Science And Legitimately Good Action Heroes?” No, it is “Science And Supermodels” and that means you should go see it because it has Amy Smart in her underwear.

She can’t part the Red Sea but scientists definitely detect some movement when we look at her. Magically, Amy Smart just happens to be 30 this year. Her ability to make pie crusts is unknown at this time.

James Cameron is worried you might believe in a diety moving some water. I am worried that we can’t even define what a magnetic field is yet a guy in Holland will charge you $1.5 million for a bed that floats on one. James Cameron remains strangely silent on this issue. That, my friends, is the power of belief.

So anyway, back to the title of our post … if James Cameron didn’t part the Red Sea and God didn’t do it, how does science explain it? Easy. My mother did it. Thanks mom.

That’s right.  It spells S-C-I-E-N-T-I-S-T, baby.  Sure, you are used to me being a science guru and, on occasion, a Formula One race car driver who solves mysteries on TV, but unless you are a long-time reader you are probably not aware I am also a superhero.

I discovered I was a superhero this one time when a guy cut me off on the highway and I followed him off the exit and then we stopped at a red light and I bench-pressed his car and slept with his girlfriend. I knew then I wasn’t like other scientists … namely, because I could get a date.

Like all great superheroes, I have a secret underground lair. It’s called “The Lab.” And I have a cool costume, but I can’t show you that because you already know my secret identity.

There are critical times when some emergency calls and I must go from being mild-mannered scientist to superhero quickly. Usually the emergency involves alcohol and strippers but sometimes it involves cats being stuck in trees and stuff. Even if it’s a minor emergency like a cat I go anyway - because you just can’t take the superhero out of scientists. It would be like taking the chicken wings out of Syracuse.*

So how do I go from ordinary lab to secret underground lair “The Lab” when those emergencies occur?  Well, you’ve all seen Batman and the bat pole and the bat cave and all that stuff.  My process is remarkably similar.

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The August issue of Scientific American tries to figure out why some people are better at things than other people. This, they contend, will help us teach better.

I don’t know why they bothered. I can answer that question in four words: I am smarter than you.* Now, that isn’t a value judgment, it’s just the way it is. We all went to school ( well, most of us, unless you live in a third world country, like Canada ) and we all applied ourselves in ways that we wanted to apply ourselves. Some people concentrated on getting an education, some focused on nailing chicks. Then there’s scientists, who were lucky enough to be skilled in both.

What this study claims they want to accomplish is to improve teaching but what they really want is to try and make equal opportunity mean equal outcomes. Science knows this is not practical because we’re all unique - just like everyone else.

No one can quantify why someone who claims to be a connoisseur in wine is barely more skilled than the average monkey at actually knowing one wine from another or why some truly stupid people are gazillionaires in business so they focus on what they can study; chess. We all know lots of dumb people who are great at chess so clearly expertise in that game can be taught. I am terrible at chess, mostly because it lacks originality these days - there is one, and I mean ONE - opening you can win with today. Unless you’re a grandmaster up against that wine-sipping monkey you aren’t going to win with Giuoco Piano in 2006, and that’s just a shame. I played chess once in 2005 and that was only because it was against this opponent:

For chess, that’s a supermodel. It’s okay, there aren’t many supermodels in science either.** But if studies like this teach us how to teach people better, it means we can teach more people to be better teachers - and that means more teachers who look like this:

Yeah, that Isis always made my little Captain Marvel go Shazam. No wonder I grew up so smart.

*Get it???
**However, should you know a science supermodel, send along a pic and contact info and we will do a special ‘Supermodels Of Science’ posting. If yours gets accepted, you win a free “Jenius” ( see at the top right ) t-shirt.

Pure, un-edited proof that all women look hotter as (a) blondes and (b) long-haired blondes. Let’s talk Bryce Dallas Howard, chosen to play Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man 3. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you but as a little Star Trek nerd, age 6, seeing Gwen Stacy as drawn by John Romita was a life-changing experience.

I don’t know how they are going to work her into Spider-Man now, since they flopped around the history and made Mary Jane Watson his first girlfriend and had her getting into all the trouble Gwen did in the comics, but it won’t matter as long as she looks something like this:

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