Archive for the 'biology' Category

Saturday, October 14th, 2006

Science Wants To Give You Better Orgasms

There was a time when the vagina was not in vogue. It was all ‘clitoris’ this and ‘clitoris’ that for female orgasms. Scientists have a healthy distrust of politicians and activists so we were afraid to stand up against the clitoral orthodoxy but in a secret enclave ( known as “New Jersey” ) a group of neuroscientists have been reverse engineering the female orgasm for the last two and a half years.

And they think they have discovered that the vagina has underrated by clitoral activists.Obviously you can’t just make that claim. Tests have to be done. Orgasms have to be studied. While scientists have caused plenty of orgasms most of us haven’t studied them. How do you study them? I wanted to know. Apparently the first step was to create a Calibrated Vaginal Stimulator, basically something you could attach to a transducer to measure the force that women apply to the vaginal wall. Then you could know what is really happening.

“A Transducer?” I ask. “Are we at Bose?”

“Women self-stimulate,” explains Rutgers neuropsychologist Barry Komisaruk, “and we use functional magnetic resonance imaging to look at which parts of their brains respond.”

Ummmm …

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Tuesday, December 20th, 2005

Mapping The Genome

It isn’t Jurassic Park but it could be. Scientists have begun to map the genome of the woolly mammoth and this has led to speculation that the creatures could be resurrected.

The easiest way to prevent extinct creatures from being created again is to simply not pay for it. The scientists have only mapped about 1% of the genome so far and would need serious funding to do the rest. Even when that’s accomplished, you can’t just stick that information into a big E-Z Bake Oven and pop out a woolly mammoth. They can’t even do that with modern DNA much less an extinct creature. But imagine if you could. I’d pay a lot of money to bring back Rita Hayworth.

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Yes, I do actually have a framed “Gilda” poster in my house. No, I am not a gay man.