July 28th, 2011


Big Kahuna Donut Burger – I want one


I have long objected to health mullahs and their war on what we want to eat. Their rationale is that people are really, really stupid and are solely educated by advertising so it needs to be controlled – or foods banned entirely. I disagree we are really, really stupid and instead submit we are really, really fat.

But you know what? We would be the envy of every culture throughout history. It used to be you had to be rich to be fat – now you have to be rich to be thin. Plentiful food at low cost is Utopia and the goal of a progressive society.

And no one cares about progress and society like the New York State Fair. Check out this beast: a quarter-pound of hamburger between slices of a grilled, glazed doughnut. Throw in cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and onion and you’ve got yourself a 1,500-calorie meal, including the major food groups, for $5.


That’s almost a whole days worth of calories for a sawbuck. Try and top that feudal Europe. Try and top that, Big Organic.

Though be advised to do everything in moderation, including this burger. You know why Amy Winehouse died? It wasn’t because she was a junkie skank, says her family, it’s because she gave up alcohol and didn’t do it in moderation. So pace yourself. Maybe leave off the lettuce, tomato and onion to save calories until you become acclimated.

This burger won’t kill you but with too many, even Audrina Patridge would go from looking like this:

to this:


This entry was posted on Thursday, July 28th, 2011 at 12:58 pm and is filed under Culture, Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to “Big Kahuna Donut Burger – I want one”

  1. OgreMkV Says:

    You think the donut is bad, try a double bacon cheeseburger between two honey buns.

    Barf.

  2. Cash Says:

    Being outrageously funny is hard work.