You may think an article about curses is a little too fringe weirdo for the Internet’s preeminent science blogger but that’s not the case at all. Some things, even things you would usually disregard as mistaken correlation/causation hysteria (see my important work – The Science of Freak Magnets – for an example) don’t have any other explanation, so they become science because they make us re-think things, change our paradigm … whatever term you want to use.
The obvious curse of the movie “Top Gun” is one such event. It can’t be coincidence and I’ll tell you why soon enough.
Other movies have had curses associated with them but they were more like interesting coincidences. The “Poltergeist” trilogy, for example, had 4 people die. But two of them were more or less unspectacular medical problems. One was an angry boyfriend. Child actor Heather O’Rourke, who was in all three films, is indeed dead, but that was medical too and it would only be creepy if she had died three times.
What is creepy is that supposedly they used real human remains as props in the first movie. So, if there was a curse, they had it coming.
“Superman” is the other famous curse of movies. George Reeves died after playing Superman on TV, though that was suicide, and Christopher Reeve got thrown from a horse and was paralyzed from the neck down so that was a good reason cars were invented. Brandon Routh, who recently played the Big Blue Boy Scout in “Superman Returns” has only suffered the death of his career.
What you never hear about is the curse of “Top Gun” and I think that’s because people haven’t died, they just look like it. So let’s give Top Gun its due and see who has been victimized.
Kelly McGillis in Top Gun and now
Yikes. Poor Kelly was always a questionable choice for the role but she looked rather mannish and had a nickname “Charlie”, presumably so Tom Cruise would be able to get ‘in character’ and have a romantic interest in a woman that way.
But that’s just one data point. Let’s examine more evidence.
John Stockwell, who played Lt. Bill ‘Cougar‘ Cortell, looks like some sort of homeless guy here. He is smiling, that’s nice, but that’s only because he doesn’t know he’s cursed.
Still not convinced? I give you Meg Ryan.
Yes, the adorable pixie from “Top Gun” and “Inner Space” now looks like … well, you fill it in. Even Dane Cook could make this picture funny. If Heath Ledger is going to get an Academy Award nomination for having huge painted lips and overacting, I don’t see why Meg Ryan isn’t already a bigger star than Katherine Hepburn.
Why hasn’t Tom Cruise been affected? Because he is Satan. He’s immune to his own curses. Duh.
I’m not kidding. Donatella Versace once casually said he was gay and look what he did to her.
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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 at 9:45 am and is filed under actors, actresses. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 3rd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Maybe it’s Scientology. It has to have something to do with science. Right?
January 3rd, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Argh, I never considered that Scientology might have something to do with science.
Xenu is going to be cursing me from his spaceship high in … space.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Not complaining (too much, I hope, because this is still a superior blog enjoyment zone…) but isn’t this post a little short on science and too heavy on paranormal conjecture, and isn’t it wayyyy to short on supermodels and way too heavy on Donatella (maybe “heavy” isn’t the right word in this case)? Nevertheless, looking forward to the next post, as always!
January 4th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Joe,
Sure, but at the end of the year I am stuck with either retrospectives (which would be lame, iPS cells have been written to death) or finding things in culture. There aren’t a lot of real studies published in the Christmas holiday dead zone I can make fun of.
I could do a Science And Society retrospective, like the sort of science game “Spore” finally coming out after years of delay, but since it doesn’t have shooting hookers from a helicopter it didn’t really hold my attention.
My next article is on meteorology. I can’t do much about the science in that one, since it is primarily voodoo, but I can fix the supermodels issue.
January 7th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Gotta admit, I’m looking forward to it. I was ecstatic with the supermodel chess players you unearthed, and I’m guessing the weather-forcasting arena is at least a hundred times richer. Cheers!
April 30th, 2009 at 11:12 am
It gets even more broad in scope, apparently. Appearing in Top Gun can even make you gay.
April 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
This is so freaking hilarious! You are so right claiming Tom Cruise as Satan. It all makes sense now.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
“…that’s a good reason cars were invented.”
Oh yes, because no one is ever paralyzed while riding in a car.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
They didn’t get paralyzed because their car got spooked by a rattlesnake and needed some Rescue Remedy lest it kick someone’s head off …
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 am
Kelly McGillis mannish? That’s an odd way to describe her–I don’t see that.
May 16th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
What?? The current pic of meg ryan is smokin hot!!
May 16th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Yes, that “Joker” look is popular in 2009
June 13th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
funny. but you forgot val kilmer! he was one of the hottest actors we’ve seen in decades and now look at him.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:05 pm
“What is creepy is that supposedly they used real human remains as props in the first movie. So, if there was a curse, they had it coming.”
Brilliant.
December 25th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
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