Science articles, even in the casual world of the internet, take a great deal of research. It’s not always easy making science look easy.
As all of you know, my articles are meticulously detailed, well thought out and ergonomically terrific in almost every way. That doesn’t happen by accident. But sometimes revelations for new articles happen by accident, like when I am researching something else.
While I was researching the most important article in the history of the internet I decided, in the interests of maintaining my impeccable credentials, that I needed a picture of a hot girl in a river. I keep a substantial folder of supermodel endorsements and pictures for occasions like this. But I didn’t have girls that fish so it took some time.
And then I stumbled across this picture:
And the happy accident came to me - because women have proved, once again, that they are intellectually and emotional on a different level than men. Namely, because they will date some really ugly guys.
You may have missed Part 1, where I talked about Christina Aguilera marrying a guy so ugly that even with my five medical degrees I can’t figure out what’s wrong with his teeth. In Part 2 I discussed Evangline Lilly getting engaged to a Hobbit, Part 3 had me trying to figure out how the druggie from Friends was nailing Piper Perabo and Part 4 had me back to Christina because she looked even hotter and he looked even sillier next to her.
Those were all outrageous examples of well-meaning women not caring enough about the looks of their men - and we want to discourage that kind of progressive thinking - but then we hit Part V, where David Spade and Heather Locklear took this to some higher level of insanity.
Still, even a guy the size of my forearm like David Spade being with Heather Locklear didn’t prepare me for the shock of seeing 5′10″ tall, platinum-blonde, blue-eyed best-thing-to-come-from-Sweden-ever Victoria Silvstedt with … wait, who is this guy? I thought she was married. Okay, maybe she got divorced.
So that’s why I interrupted my usual science humor to write Part VI, because some things cannot be explained by science, like why I am eating protein shakes and writing with the dark humor of Pynchon to stay attractive to women(me - LS) and it turns out all I needed was a penis made of heroin-laced chocolate. Or whatever that guy must have to get Victoria Silvstedt.
You can call her enlightened if you want. You can call her the opposite of shallow if it helps. She could call herself the Emperor of Nebraska and if anybody doubted her she could just whip out her picture and say, “If I’m not the Emperor of Nebraska, then why do I look this friggin’ hot?” And then everybody would shake their heads in awe and mutter amongst themselves that she must be the Emperor of Nebraska.
Seriously, can someone explain why I am writing this article and he is throwing Victoria Silvstedt around a Motel 6?
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This entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 9:42 pm and is filed under science, relationships, geeks, humor, blondes, supermodels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 31st, 2007 at 2:10 pm
[…] Before you can create romantic inductance with her you need to overcome her inertia about you. Girls love to laugh. There are some spectacular women who have dated some ugly men because women are on a higher intellectual plane than men and will overlook a lot of things for a guy who makes her laugh, including your Star Trek “SET PHASERS FOR FUN” t-shirt with barbecue sauce on it from dinner three nights ago. […]
July 31st, 2007 at 10:43 pm
I want some sexy images
August 4th, 2007 at 3:34 am
Well, with i’ll side it’s plan to see that just like everything else women can’t be put into catigories that are so simplex, cause lets face it life really does work that way.
Yeah sure there are alot of dreamy looking guys out there in the wide ol world, but just ask yourself, just how much time does it take for a guy to keep himself looking so good, the truth of the matter is, guys that workout alot tend workout alot with their constantly pushing their cardiovascular, then it’s protein shakes, high fiber diets and creatine.
And finally he manages to finds some time for her, then tells you just how beautiful….. he is, which is true but let’s face it, who has time to for all that, then you wonder why the ugly lil bold headed guys getting the girl, well Just asks yourself, just who’s romanacing her stone! hmmm. what women want and what they do to get it.
October 24th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Hmmm, I don’t believe for a second that hot beautiful women date ugly short bald guys cause they’re giving them attention and romancing them, there are PLENTY of very attractive guys out there that are willing to romance a girl and be attentive,……it’s the money people! you’ll rarely IF EVER see a hot girl with an ugly guy that doesn’t have money, it’s that simple, women are attracted money like men are attracted to hot chicks, and women will put aside the lack of looks for the money just like a guy will put aside lack of intelligence for looks
October 24th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
hi
November 18th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Keep on preaching Cole, its all about image, style, suave tal, and most importantly money, money, money for women
December 19th, 2007 at 10:35 am
that is fucking nasty but i guess…???????/
December 24th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Listen, I know these two people very well and I can assure you that they love each other. They re always always together together even when we re in monaco she doesn t spend her day at thr beach sunbaithing they spend the day together doing plenty of stuff so please don’t talk about these people like that, you don t know them it’s really affending.
December 25th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Roxy, I am not sure what the complaint is. A jaw-droppingly hot girl is with a guy who is, let’s face it, not getting by on good looks, so she cares about more than appearance … while a guy who is, ley’s face it, not getting by on good looks is still doing well enough he can get a tall, blonde model.
I’d say this post is the highest form of respect for them both; plus hot women giving hope to ugly guys, especially around the Christmas season, is exactly what religion is all about.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Guys you can think all you want but your wrong. its not all about the looks its about getting the romance. Notice how the ladies on this post are saying its all about the romance and the guys are still saying noway its about looks and how they are giving eachother kudos awww. ok guys you can take eachothers advice all you want and thats why you will never get girls. But as for me i found someone whos worth my time. and from all the hotties that i can choose from which is basically anyone. My man is so romantic, understanding, caring, intellectual, and he is no bitch either. Personality overpowers looks. maybe a lil hottie will tell you different…but how long can you actually be with a really hott girl who doesnt comprehend anything? And since you men want to be “MEN” than play your role. yea of course you have to have money your the provider…i dont see many men rally about giving women equal rights and blah blah blah so you know what it might not be fair to you but what is fair?? Stop the adversisng that makes girls feel insecure about their age…and what clothes look good and what makeup they need. and the plastic surgery ads. And after that you need to heal your women and show them that they are beautiful the way they are. Or else yea to get a good woman….you better have money to pay for her hair, makeup, cloths, surgerys, and you men need to stop being so judgmental on females because i am bi and there are way more beautiful women than attractive men. There is so much more advice i could give you poor souls but youll just have to wait until i get my own column!!!
February 7th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Niicky,
But women are lying. We men know it’s all about deviant sex and then baking us pies.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
slut victoria j’apprecie ce que vous faite ds l’emission de la fortune bisou et byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:19 am
tu est belle tu a des beau seins je veux te surcé
February 28th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
its all about the money..honey
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:37 am
its all about the money………/ love is money /
March 31st, 2008 at 2:52 pm
[…] I was thinking if a person was going to cheat, it should be with a person that’s much better looking than your partner ’cause otherwise your partner’s going to write the shit off and laugh about it. I think it’s one of those all or nothing deals. Either way, bitch chose a very unimpressive dude to hook up with and ultimately the couple sued the newspaper that posted the pictures of beauty and the beast together in some sort of adulterous tryst. […]
April 4th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Im not saying that there are not people out there like this but…not every girl is like that. Im still with my b/f and want nothing more than to just be with him and people always are asking me why i am with him and is it for money or something. But it truly isnt. I really just enjoy the company of him. He has a warm heart and is unjudgmental. I feel sorry for anyone who immerses themselves of this thought that all women only care about money. There are good people out there who it isnt fair to. I do understand that there are many women and men out there who just care about money. Money does make the world go round and people do want to feel secure. And in this recession of course there are going to be these kinds of people. I bet this goes for the majority of you, if you have money and you date someone who doesnt….your going to automatically think that its about the money right.And of course that ruins any chance for true love. And of course this couple looks pretty odd together…as she is so tall and is a model and he is much shorter and it is not our typical relationship we see everyday. Many people dont feel comfortable in a relationship as odd as this so it must be really hard for them constantly getting weird looks from people and haveing them saying things like oh shes a paid whore or thats her sugar daddy. That stuff can hurt both of them…I know because it hurts me immensely when people do that to my relationship. Maybe there is something this woman sees in him or maybe she got to know him and loved his way of thinking. Whatever it is…the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder right? I admire these people being brave enough to walk in public with eachother with all these hatful judgemental people walking around just like you all. Thinking you know everything about this and that person. I believe there are only a few soulmates to each person and if you dont notice them or are not interested for any reason other than your own its your loss. Another thing is the best person for you might not be the most “Beautiful” or appeazing to you at first but when you fall in love they all of a sudden become the most beautiful person to you. Treat your girlfriend like shes the goddess that she is that she is meant for you and that you dont ever want to replace her like your favorite baseball card as a kid or your puppy dog(would you give up your puppy to the pound because they are to old or you want another one). Isnt it great to have one thing in your life that you never have to replace that you dont have to grow out of because you both grow? Love with just one person can be so great. I wish you all the best of luck to .I hope you all give everyone a chance atleast before judging them. Even me if I ever meet you because most people dont they just look at me and think oh she is conceited shes a bitch, slut, goldigger whatever negative things that are stereotypical of beautiful woman who takes care of herself. But little do they know that I am a nice person with a very warm heart and care so much about others. Just think about how it feels for a woman to sit there and judge you without ever talking to you or knowing about what kind of person you really are. Doesnt it hurt to be called a player, cheater, ect. when you are not?