According to this article, researchers at the World Health Organization have claimed that the last natural blonde will be born in Finland in 2202. And the BBC version tells us German scientists have claimed this is due to decreasing frequency of the recessive gene for blonde hair.
The SkyNet article states that when the last Ice Age ended 11,000 years ago blonde hair and blue eyes were developed as a competitive advantage in getting a caveman. That’s right, with men in short supply some girls had to use manipulation in order to get one of us – and even then blondes were known to be more fun.
The Germans say the problem is racial mixing – yes, Germans speaking out against racial mixing. Whoda thunk it?
Anyway, I like the WHO version. You have to admire the chutzpah and fun-loving nature of any girl willing to change her genetic makeup to please you. I happen to be a caveman if, by caveman, you mean someone who grabs his woman by the hair and throws her over furniture on occasion, so I can verify that the WHO study makes sense.
Following that same reasoning, men are a lot more plentiful now than 11,000 years ago so fewer blondes are being born. Women just don’t need the advantage these days because we aren’t going off on dangerous hunting trips like cavemen did and the only combat I have witnessed consists of staring at photos of women lovingly cradling automatic weapons big enough to shoot down the moon.
As you can imagine, this article sent me into a frenzy. I am on the prowl for junk science under the best of circumstances; if you suddenly start claiming delicious blondes will be extinct we are going to throw down. Or I am writing a letter to Congress. Something.
So I did some research and this turned out to be … a hoax. Yes, a fake. But the BBC, Sunday Times, Canadian Press and the entire World Wide Web was duped – mostly because a lot of fat-ankled editors at those news services wanted it to be true. I am not pointing fingers at any popular junk science of today but … well, remain skeptical. If politicians tell you only their election can avert a worldwide scientific crisis, remain doubly skeptical.
Anyway, that isn’t to say the article didn’t show there was a lot of concern about this topic. Do not panic. As always, science has the answer. By 2202 we’ll have figured out ways to make all women at least 5′8″ tall with long blonde hair, unquestioned fidelity and the dangerous undercurrent of a deviant streak.
And girls, if you are lucky, all men will be like me.
|
| Netscape
| reddit
| newsvine
| del.icio.us 
| ma.gnolia
| Blink It
| Spurl
| Talkdigger it
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 at 7:06 am and is filed under blondes, culture, hoax, hot chicks, junk science, science. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Thank You
October 29th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Your articles are the most thought provoking, entertaining, and stimulating. And you sure know a beautiful, buxom, blue-eyed blonde when you see one. Yes, I am a woman, and that’s my opinion. I’m a brown-eyed brunette. Who says the rest of us are jealously critical and/or are feminists completely critical of the male sex? There is NO denying how pleasing they are to the eye — and other senses.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Comments like this make this whole column worth writing.
November 24th, 2007 at 3:50 am
Can you please remove my name from any articles you have? My name was entered in one apparently, and I did NOT make this comment. I certainly would not have put my whole name in.
Thank you,
kls
January 20th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
i like totally LOVE jessica simpson she is like my idol shes even better than paris hilton !!! i just dont like her with brown hair she looks so much better with blonde hair everybody knows thatlove her
May 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
then what happens if we dont want blonde hair? shouldnt you love someone for who they are no matter their hair color? besides id rather die the old lady with 1000 cats than change my hair color for someone. why cant we find a way to make our hair naturally pink or something that would be way cooler
May 31st, 2008 at 5:49 am
What i find funny about this whole thing is that i have both blonde hair and blue eyes and I hate it. My parents won’t let me dye my hair to black either, because then they would have to tie me down and sprinkle holy water on me, chanting “May the power of Christ compell you!”.
intresting article though.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:22 am
I’m glad I don’t have blue eyes, everyone I know has blue eyes where I come from, I have blonde hair and green eyes. Who cares that there won’t be anymore blondes? Blonde is just a hair colour. It doesnt really matter.
November 5th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I’m going extinct? Well, shit.
November 7th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Not all the way extinct – a species called MissClairolus Hotgirlus will still be around.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
It’s true, there aren’t many blondes left. Count how many at the mall or in a crowded room. A blonde marries someone with dark hair and eyes and it kills the blue eyes and blonde hair gene. There kids come out with puke brown hair. Then you have the Black men who who a blonde trophy wife. If you want more blonde people, gotta find and marry a blonde man. Good luck finding one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Hahahaa, wow for a second I believed that. Im 5′10 with blonde hair blue eyes, Im also Norwegian and Swedish. Scandinavia ftw! But National Geographic actually believes the red hair gene will be extinct. Now that would be weird
March 25th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Well I’ve got news for you. I’m blond and have blue eyes and I was 5′6 when I was 11. And my brother’s blonde, my best friend, my other friend and then my other friend and then my fourth grade teacher was blonde! If you go to Santa Cruz CA, all you’ll see is blondes!
April 28th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
I’m blonde hair and blue eyes born.. my eyes are mostly green now that i’m older though.. and i’ve dyed my hair brown.. but i think i’ll be going back all natural soon, it will take too much effort to keep it brown once summer hits.. the truth though is that dark hair and eyes in guys is much more appealing to the eyes than blonde pretty boy types to most women..
April 28th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Although its fading.. i dont believe red heads will be gone soon, i think they will be taking over ! haha my best guy friend is a red head and i’ve been looking around and it seems everyone has a little red hair.. ha
i’m not complaining
May 30th, 2009 at 7:12 am
For this reason, when I become Emperor of California I am making Santa Cruz my capital and the banana slug my official talking-conscience-that-sits-on-my-shoulder.