According to this article, researchers at the World Health Organization have claimed that the last natural blonde will be born in Finland in 2202. And the BBC version tells us German scientists have claimed this is due to decreasing frequency of the recessive gene for blonde hair.
The SkyNet article states that when the last Ice Age ended 11,000 years ago blonde hair and blue eyes were developed as a competitive advantage in getting a caveman. That’s right, with men in short supply some girls had to use manipulation in order to get one of us - and even then blondes were known to be more fun.
The Germans say the problem is racial mixing - yes, Germans speaking out against racial mixing. Whoda thunk it?
Anyway, I like the WHO version. You have to admire the chutzpah and fun-loving nature of any girl willing to change her genetic makeup to please you. I happen to be a caveman if, by caveman, you mean someone who grabs his woman by the hair and throws her over furniture on occasion, so I can verify that the WHO study makes sense.
Following that same reasoning, men are a lot more plentiful now than 11,000 years ago so fewer blondes are being born. Women just don’t need the advantage these days because we aren’t going off on dangerous hunting trips like cavemen did and the only combat I have witnessed consists of staring at photos of women lovingly cradling automatic weapons big enough to shoot down the moon.
As you can imagine, this article sent me into a frenzy. I am on the prowl for junk science under the best of circumstances; if you suddenly start claiming delicious blondes will be extinct we are going to throw down. Or I am writing a letter to Congress. Something.
So I did some research and this turned out to be … a hoax. Yes, a fake. But the BBC, Sunday Times, Canadian Press and the entire World Wide Web was duped - mostly because a lot of fat-ankled editors at those news services wanted it to be true. I am not pointing fingers at any popular junk science of today but … well, remain skeptical. If politicians tell you only their election can avert a worldwide scientific crisis, remain doubly skeptical.
Anyway, that isn’t to say the article didn’t show there was a lot of concern about this topic. Do not panic. As always, science has the answer. By 2202 we’ll have figured out ways to make all women at least 5′8″ tall with long blonde hair, unquestioned fidelity and the dangerous undercurrent of a deviant streak.
And girls, if you are lucky, all men will be like me.
|
| Netscape
| reddit
| newsvine
| del.icio.us 
| ma.gnolia
| Blink It
| Spurl
| Talkdigger it
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 at 7:06 am and is filed under science, culture, junk science, hoax, blondes, hot chicks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Thank You
October 29th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Your articles are the most thought provoking, entertaining, and stimulating. And you sure know a beautiful, buxom, blue-eyed blonde when you see one. Yes, I am a woman, and that’s my opinion. I’m a brown-eyed brunette. Who says the rest of us are jealously critical and/or are feminists completely critical of the male sex? There is NO denying how pleasing they are to the eye — and other senses.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Comments like this make this whole column worth writing.
November 24th, 2007 at 3:50 am
Can you please remove my name from any articles you have? My name was entered in one apparently, and I did NOT make this comment. I certainly would not have put my whole name in.
Thank you,
kls
January 20th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
i like totally LOVE jessica simpson she is like my idol shes even better than paris hilton !!! i just dont like her with brown hair she looks so much better with blonde hair everybody knows thatlove her