That’s right. Â It spells S-C-I-E-N-T-I-S-T, baby. Â Sure, you are used to me being a science guru and, on occasion, a Formula One race car driver who solves mysteries on TV, but unless you are a long-time reader you are probably not aware I am also a superhero.
I discovered I was a superhero this one time when a guy cut me off on the highway and I followed him off the exit and then we stopped at a red light and I bench-pressed his car and slept with his girlfriend. I knew then I wasn’t like other scientists … namely, because I could get a date.
Like all great superheroes, I have a secret underground lair. It’s called “The Lab.” And I have a cool costume, but I can’t show you that because you already know my secret identity.
There are critical times when some emergency calls and I must go from being mild-mannered scientist to superhero quickly. Usually the emergency involves alcohol and strippers but sometimes it involves cats being stuck in trees and stuff. Even if it’s a minor emergency like a cat I go anyway - because you just can’t take the superhero out of scientists. It would be like taking the chicken wings out of Syracuse.*
So how do I go from ordinary lab to secret underground lair “The Lab” when those emergencies occur? Â Well, you’ve all seen Batman and the bat pole and the bat cave and all that stuff. Â My process is remarkably similar.
I just twist these breast-shaped knobs and a hidden passageway opens up and inside “The Lab” I go:
Originally those were sold for shampoo but I filled mine with Gatorade and, let me tell you, they work just fine.
Things like those cat-stuck-in-tree emergencies I can handle with no problem. When it happened yesterday, I simply said to the old lady, “Just wait, he’ll come down when he’s hungry.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“Well, have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” I replied.
That was an easy one but cats in trees don’t come along every day. Sometimes things really get difficult and when that happens a good science superhero needs a hottie science teacher/superheroine by his side. The hottest science teacher superheroine - okay, the only one - is Isis who, coincidentally, has made this site for the second time in two weeks. It’s okay, because she looks like this:
I can’t speak for any of you but when she says “Faster zephyr winds” that way, the little scientist in me goes SHAZAM all over again.
*Email I got within 5 minutes of posting that sentence: I think it’s Buffalo.
My reply: No, it’s chicken. Spicy chicken.
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This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 8th, 2006 at 6:00 am and is filed under blondes, culture, strippers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
