Daniel Craig has been under fire from moment one. Not many people have thought he would be good in the role - except the daughter of the guy who built the franchise. We’ve already established that English chicks are nuts and having a girl pick the next James Bond is proof of it.
So he’s blonde and that isn’t good. But whatever. He’s also a major league wuss who can’t even drive JB’s car and that’s a little harder to forgive.
So what is his answer to all those criticisms?
“I have told bosses I’m prepared to do a full frontal scene. I’m not shy and Bond wouldn’t be shy about it either,” says Craig.
HUH? You think that will make the movie BETTER? Does Craig not understand his boss is actually not the audience for James Bond films? Men go to see these movies and the last thing men want to see is Daniel Craig naked. Men want to see hot chicks in a James Bond movie and instead they are giving us a crazy French bag lady. We want cool technology and instead they are giving us an Aston-Martin automatic because Daniel can’t learn how to drive a stick. And he apparently can’t take a punch either. If you’re confused about what makes a hot Bond girl and what makes a crazy French bag lady, see below. For cool gadgets you are on your own.
Sounds awfully critical of me, right? Why shouldn’t I be James Bond, you ask? Why not indeed. I don’t have access to Sienna Miller’s career-enhancing vagina for one thing - though I have proven that access to it would jump-start my movie career. And my car is cooler than an Aston-Martin, namely because mine starts in the rain. And I can take a punch.
This is also why Sweety calls me Farmboy McDreamy. And she doesn’t want me to get famous because she knows Uma Thurman is available.
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This entry was posted on Sunday, March 5th, 2006 at 7:10 am and is filed under culture, movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 1st, 2007 at 9:06 pm
[...] Clearly, I have nothing against vaginas, since I wrote articles talking about how women were using evolution to create two vaginas and enchant twice as many men at the same time and how the new James Bond got that job thanks to the magic of Sienna Miller’s career-enhancing vagina but I am not completely obsessed with them either. [...]
March 15th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
YOU want to play Bond? YOU are a fucking fag, therefore, you aren’t qualified for the role. And the Bond girl in this movie is perfect. And Halle Berry as a great Bond girl? Are you fucking retarded? She was one of the worst Bond girls there has ever been, in one of the lamest Bond films there has been. Get with it fag.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
[...] Other people echoed my skepticism. I was not the only one to write criticisms that he couldn’t take a punch or, even worse for James Bond, that he couldn’t drive an Aston-Martin.But I am here to say, my friends, that sometimes I can be wrong. I should have known that bringing back Martin Campbell, the guy who directed one of the greatest Bond movies of all time would outweigh anything else. And they took Bond back to the basics. I never said Craig wasn’t a good actor and he certainly did a terrific job here. By the end of the movie he could well be the best Bond of all time. [...]